BLUE BONEY TOES CURLED UP IN BALLETFLATS. freezing, tweaking, and ready for le COLD. WINTER FASHION BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLUE BONEY TOES CURLED UP IN BALLET FLATS. Je suis freezing, tweaking, and ready to be POSH in le COLD.
I've been absolutey speeeeeeeeeeding around New York City lately!!!!!!!!!
In Fall, everything feels like Adderall: shivery, clammy, ice-y, and sharp. You're on le edge. A new year is mf coming and the leaves are falling of Manhattan's sickly skinny lil trees. Le major runwayz are on pause till September, and like moi, you need to reassess your closet.
Coldness is effing tweaky. I love being busy and freezing. Brisk af city air bites at my skin and makes my wobbly legs reach hyper speed. I feel like I'm running... no... flying over le city pavement... but le paper thin soles of my worn out flats are brutal reminders there's hard ground to slam down on.
I put off practical winter wear as long as physically possible, so i'm still speed strutting in shorts, flats and sky high peep toe heelz. Never one for skin care, in the colder months I'm a vision of dry as shit skin, bone-straight hair full of split ends, eyeliner smudged by watering eyes, and blue, goosebump-y chicken legs. I cant wait to get all veiny when I'm older. Mega chic. I wanna look like that Helmut Newton image of a chicken with hands covered in diamonds on it. A print of it actually hangs in my kitchen next to the Karl Lagerfeld Diet book cover and some old Gstar Raw posters....
Lately i've been sort of channeling this fantasy that im some evil eastern european runway model being photographed between London Fashion Week shows in 2014. I typically just amass loads of tights and flats for winter and tell moiself im Eddie Sedgwick with no pants... but this year I've also been hunting down that model off duty look: leather leggings, sharply cut blazers and jackets, oversized sweaters, booties, heaps of fur, designer bags massive enough to cover a book and a spare pair of heelz , flat ironed hair, and off-putting, post runway makeup. Severe and chic peepz. I'm edging it up while experimenting with adding some POSH-ness into le mix... we'll see how that goes... le trashy party girl in moi never stays dormant for too long. But maybe I can sort of push le trashy aspects of moi-self into a bit of a polished, designer-ified grunge at le least. A girls gotta try to reinvent. If you stay in one style phase too long and claim once particular look's territory... you risk winding up uninspired, overexposed, and mega effing PASSE! Unacceptable.
...
Now let moi elaborate on this new look, spell things out clearly for le fashion-imagination challenged reader, and some state some important STYLE RULES for le season. And plz. remember to not get all offended to moi. I say style RULES as rules. are. meant. to . be broken. If you know how to be swag about it at least.
FASHION TIPZ FOR FALL/WINTER 21:
- mega high heelz. specifically BOOTIES. Flats are fine but im kinda bored of them for non practical purposes ie errandz. Basically, if you're wearing ballet flats you should be running. Or at least speed strutting. Platforms are great.
- speed strutting. Walk everywhere like you're on a fast paced runway. not 90s super model walk- think militant, v serious, 50 look fashion show. even if your only place to go is le grocery.
- thigh high Chelsea boots. not totally sure this exists but i want it..... if le toe is pointed the heel must be flat otherwise its too fashion nova. its prob easier to make cheap thigh high boots look expensive if theyre not high heels. Ideally you'll get some vintage sergio rossi or Prada or miu miu or givenchy.
-regulars Chelsea boots. Oui , its time. ladies- pair these with skinny jeans and crop tops or shorts and motorcycle jackets. garcons- plz be very carefuly, you do not want to end up looking like a soft boy LA style victim or a contemporary Christian music star. I suggest going for le og rag and bone look.
- Adderall. In small amounts.
- moto jackets. and moto jeans.
- Acne, Ksubi, Balmain, Saint Laurent, Dior (hommes), Celine, Marant, Varvatos, JBrand skinny jeans. recent VINTAGE ONLY. do not trust the new styles.
- consider replacing boring DENIM with LEATHER. leather shoes, jackets, pants, shirts, dresses, gloves, hats, vests, ties, headbands, scarves if such a thing exists....
- if you do wear denim please let it be acid wash, grey, black, metallic, paint coated (not splotches), solid color, or mega mega dark wash. Light wash/ levis vintage-y looking jeans are so effing over. AND THEY BETTER MF BE SKIN TIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- seriously its imperative that you purchase leather or pleather leggings. I have three already. And a pleather bodysuit.
- pleather, lambskin, and real fur. worn all at once. tread lightly with shearling peepz! easily looks corny.
- also MIXING PLEATHER AND LEATHER.
- tights under shorts of all lengths.
-layering shorts over skinnies.
- loafers and oxfords AF. lets be polished.
- riding boots. riding pants. riding hats. spats. colored shirts. ANYTHING EQUESTRIAN.- but not western!!! it astonishes moi that bitchez are still running around in cowboy boots.There are a select few that are boho chic enough to not make the cowgirl boot not annoying in 2021... youre probz not one of them. Its time do ride ENGLISH style. Prim and poppa.
- in winter months drink like an old writer. red wine from a bottle on le street, at home, and at restaurants. chic if cheap and shitty or expensive. red wine is either grunge or classic. Also, nice vodka on ice. cheap whiskey straight. night cap: fernet and diet coke. warm drinks: Hot toddys, mulled wine. irish coffee!!!!!!
- large embellishments. not little emo rock studs/spikes. These should be larger than a quarter. think old balmain. think le new valentino flat studs.
- telling peeepz you're "working on a novel".
- carrying around a copy of CATCHER IN THE RYE or anything by Salinger, really.
- adopting le language of a Holden Caulfeild. grump around le city and visit cliche landmarks solo and chainsmoke on benches and brood and scribble in a notebook and most importantly wear a trademark hat!
- pea coats. tail coats.
- old school military wear. and also 60s military wear like De Niro in taxi driver but cut the sleeves off and wear it as a vest and dont be violent and weird to women its so passe and annoying.
- le British invasion of le 60s style
- instead of american beat-chic, try mixing it with mod.
- wash your hair with Champagne a la Dianna Vreeland. But dont wash it out, leave in in your hair. for a week a la Kurt Cobain.
- pet pigglets.
- pencil Skirts.
- rockabilly. but sophisticated rockabilly. not costumey. focus on silhouette and hair styles and shoes.
- dark Academia chic-ified. hermoine granger mixed with ann hathaway in devils wear prada.
- high waisted skirts and shorts.
- oversized (vintage) cardiganz. worn with leggings.
- black and white striped t-shirts. especially with loafers.
- pumps.
-mega platform punks.
- NO pointed toe heels. Round and Peep toe.
- THROW. YOUR . MF. KITTEN . HEELS. IN. LE. TRASH. its. over.
- doctors bags.
- formal dress. tuxes, cocktail dresses, canes, caps, short gloves.
- school uniformz.
- personalized stationary. but it doesnt have to be you own. you can use someone else's personalized stationary.
- lingerie sets in dark colors and white. no florals or neutrals. bleh.
- dark lipstick and nail polish. i still believe in short nails fyi.
- baguettes. butter. sardines.
- eyeglasses. for seeing.
- hugely oversized, circular sunglasses
- smoking indoors at parties.
- hotel parties. Doesn't matter how fancy. Like wine its chic if its cheap and chic if its luxe. Either you're slumming it or being dirty rich.
- ice skating.
- as i always say: monocles, canteens, suspenders, sock suspenders, garters, bowties, canes, eyepatches, pocket squares, pocket watches, cloth handkerchiefs, and ascots.
- bandeaus and shelf bra tops. NOT CORSETS. as tops.
....
Now, aside from strategizing a style shake up, what have i been up to? the same shit as the last time we talked. Photoshoots galore.... going out drinking... working all le time yet somehow being broker than ever.....bla bla bla bla........... its just le nyc beat.
...... and by the way.. did any of you notice that I had to redact some of le last blog? oui, for le first time here on le Portal.... we've been censored. One of le fab parties i attended was apparently supposed to be kept private. i wasn't threatened with legal action... but i def felt that it was in my best interest to avoid such threats and remove le pics. if you caught them count yourself lucky bc i looked amaze (in body paint) .... I guess we'll chalk that portion of last weeks party review up to a limited edition. You just had to be there.
In le past few weeks I didn't attend anything quite as fab or effing weird as I did earlier in le month...but I did have some fun. here are some posh lil snapshots of my life:
Ugh... honestly Im not where I want to be, But at least i've got a vision... In an effort to reach LFW winter tweaker wear I've already aquirred:
-an armani blazer
-two pair pleather leggings
-lambskin alice and olivia pants
-repetto jazz shoes
-a new fur coat
-red leather shorts
-red sergio rossi peep toe pumps (broken already- its a shame you most high heels cant handle a long night of strutting city streets)
-6inch mary jane wedges (broken already, party foul)
-prada booties
-silver metallic oxfords
Im still searching for more fur, pants, miniskirts, and vintage cardigans. Wish moi loads of luck bloggy readerz.................I'll catch you on le next blog. Merci for reading LE. MF. HIPSTER. PORTAL.
Au revoir.
Namaste.
Peace le eff out.
xxxx
please no moto jeans im begginggg also can we bring back velvet skinny jeans low rise ofc
ReplyDeletealready on it
Deleteily. yes!! all of these things are so 2009. I'm ready to be 16 again dressing up crazy for high school
ReplyDeleteThank you for the windows into life via these amazing fashion and lifestyle photographs of you, your fabulous modelling poses, philosophical musings, and thoughts!
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing! I really love looking at your photos!!!!!!
I also love reading your fashion and lifestyle suggestions.
Best of luck finding the mini-skirts and vintage cardigans (and everything you're looking for).
Looking at the last two photos of you in the hallway brought back some fond memories... of me deliberately letting myself get caught in the act of negotiating the stairs of a multiple story walk-up apartment in lower Manhattan while wearing only a flimsy pair of powder blue Vanity Fair Ravissant full brief nylon panties and a bright red cotton T-shirt (I draped myself over the staircase railing making myself quite vulnerable to let the woman who encountered me in the stairwell pass by (after she'd finished staring and just before she started laughing quite loudly).
(I'm guessing that's probably too much information, but oh well.. you can always lampoon me for it... the photos of me male-modelling panties on my blog are Labeled Free for ReUse)
A 2013 post on my blog: Full Brief Panties
My YouTube: misterpantybuns's Channel videos
My Twitter: @Panty_Buns
sharing details of your sexual history, unsolicited, especially as a man when you're trying to make unsexual shit sexual is extremely passé
Deleteyour pleather outfit + h&m oxfords is so lit.
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