MEGAblog!! CAPE mf COD, OOTDs, SLUMMING IT, EFFING HIPSTERS.....

Suppies blog.....Bonjour bitchezzzzzzz... blablaBLAblablabbityblaboohlalaaaablaaaaaaaaa....

FUCKING HIPSTERS, CAPE EFFING COD, FASHION WEEK, OOTDs, BEHIND LE SCENES, GETTING SHWASTED, SLUMMING IT, BOPPING AROUND LE CITY... THIS INSTALLMENT OF LE PORTAL'S GOT IT MF ALL!

Trips to jersey AF, West Village to East, French restaurants to Bushwick basements.. I even take a bus to another bus to a burger king parking lot somewhere in Massachusetts.

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FIRST THINGZ FIRST. i waz gifted the og "look at this FUCKING hipster" book (via urban outfitterz book section) by my dear bestie Lola Rose. I've just gotta share some of le best pagez, its le HIPSTER portal after all! trigger warning- this book is totally effed up and offensive, its from mf 2010.

oui effing oui.....quite epic. merci LOLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope this gives you all some major outfit inspiration.

now back to regular blog biz......

Last time you heard from moi- I was in desperate need of a dry week.

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Shocker- it didn't happen!
in le city- chaos ensued. but more on that later.....

..Currently- i come to you with a bit of a refreshed vibe - I'm on mf vacation!

Where does a city girl go for her R&R? Literally anywhere she's invited. Never say no to a free trip. Admittedly, this rule has gotten moi in some sticky situations (and trapped a few hotel roomz).. but at least it makes for good stories. This week its Cape effing Cod. With le family. I took a bus to another bus to a burger king parking lot somewhere in Massachusetts and now I'm living le chill, east coast lifestyle in a charming beach house with paper thin walls!!!!

Over-packing sets your intentions for un vay-cay. An over packer is an optimist! Congrats on le minimalism, but moi? i have high hopes for my trip! I'm going to read 7 books, give moi-self a fabulous manicure, smoke 100 cigarettes, wear 13 outfits, use 5 different pairs of shoez, glob on eyeliner, and get in ZERO effing fights with le fam. All in 5 dayz.

Thats le plan at least.

Here's what i packed for le vacation:

- my boyfriend Kiss as a plus-one.
- vintage-y tops that double as beach cover-upz.
- light silk dresses in case of sunburn.
- anything mesh or crochet in my closet.
- gold gladiator sandals and cheap studded flip flops, ballet flats
- moccasins. typically i would say its chicest to wear no shoes at all to le beach but on the east coast theres loads of rocks and its just less casual. Flip flops are funner when you're not supposed to be wearing them (new york city), and gladiators require a lot of lacing/buckling. uggs or moccasins were actually made for sand and shit and work well with wet, sandy feet. plus it looks swag with a bikini.
- boxing sneakers in case of physical activity. i actually recommend totally leaving sneakers/ practical shoez out alll together. if you're like moi (lazy and uninspired by walks that cant be walked in ballet flats) you have a perfect excuse to not participate!
- extra marb lights (despite this, by day 2 I had to walk along a highway for 30 minutes to get more)
- purple sequin bikini, striped bikini, orange/blue glitter bikini, ruffle bikini, American flag one piece.
- batteries.
- 2 books. doesn't matter if you read them.
- loads of eyeliner and red lipstick that i doubt i'll wear.
- metallic purple nail polish. red nailpolish.
- 11 colorful thongz. strapless bras.
- a sailor cap.
- random pieces of fabric.
- bangles.
- metallic gold beach bag.
- Oribe hair spray . It's the glam version of sun-in. I dont really care about hi-lighting my hair, but le bottle is absolutely gorg, it smells amazeballz, and its nice to feel like you're working on your look while you lay on le beach. To moi, getting a lil tan and some vague streaks of blonder locks is a wonderfully productive vacation.
- diet coke.
- marb lights.
- a 3 yard+ length summer scarf (to cover le face in sun and wrap around my self post sunset)

Vacation Rules By moi:

- overpack your suitcase, outfit changes make a trip.

- totally unpack the overpacked upon arrival. hang up your clothes and accessorize your guest room with your accessories. i have bangles and packs of cigarettes strewn about- it makes for great ambiance.

- wear jewelry to le plage.

- drink frequently, but very slowly until after dinner. I had heaps of red wine.

- smoke a lot.. it'll help get you take advantage of le nature.

- write down all the oldschool slang and insults the adultz use. C'est chic and should be adopted.

- write down what the older adultz are drinking: old school drinks are obscure-hipster and classic-chicness. I got put onto Dark and Stormy's. They're tough to find in a can but that makes it even cooler. Much swagger than whiteclaws which are NOT CHIC and taste like shit. Probz more sugar tho.

everyone hated this american flag swimsuit by le way.

I think its funny and I have a wonderful sense of humor! its my taste that matters here bitchez!

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ahoy!!!!!!!!!

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..so i'll let you all know how the trip home goez. What I do know for sure iz that im pretty effing broke so im gonna have to slum it big time back in NYC. But the silver lining of le slumming is that I wont be able to keep drinking so many martinis. and i'll hopefully loose the extra five pounds i put on this month with my drunken lazy behavior.

And then in a few more weeks... it'll be EFFING NEW YORK FASHION WEEK PEEPZ!!!!!!!!! Im mega excited. Hopefully I can weasel my way into some shows . LeHipsterPortal belongs in le front effing row!!! Bloggers to le front!!! I have a few gigs/assignments lined up that im excited for but let moi know what you want to see here on le portal! Shall I review some shows??? Maybe i'll review all le tragic AF streetstyle. I'm hopeful i can model for some bullshit runway show.. its always more fun walking than working (for faux models). Last time i was in a FW show i snuck into the bar of the venue and was blackout the entire event ! tragically i was so blackout that at le afterparty i took rando molly in le bathroom, got groped on le street, went home and crashed, and then woke up no longer wasted but still totally rolling balllllz at 8am. Im not trying to go that hard- but i'd love to walk a lil runway and get my makeup done. And i wanna take runway bts, its just soooo effing chic. All those clothing racks and hair products and models fake reading....

One thing is for sure this fashion week- itz gonna be the super spreader event of the mf century! take that, chem-sex parties!!!! Delta is spreading fast, bitchez are not getting vaxxxxed, and peepz are cancelling their European vacays left and right! Quelle horreur !!!! however...........i feel like way too much mf money has been poured into FASHION MONTH (as le idiots like to call it) to cancel it now.

The result? Models and fashion peepz moving around in lil swarms. They'll be flying to different cities around le globe, visiting 7 crowded locations a day minimum, packing into venues, swapping body fluids, sharing coke straws, cigarettes, and makeup brushes, and doing what fashion peepz do best: being selfish lil cheeky assholes! Its obnoxious- but its human and honestly... they're look effing fantastic doing it. Good ol' honest self- indulgence is kinda what fashions all about!!!!! its totally gonna be one of le most epic fashion seasons in yearz!!! count moi in.

..okay we covered my travel.. we covered NYFW......back to city chaos.. let moi show you what I was up to post rehab-wannabe-blog, pre la plage...:

1. I HELPED TRUSTFUNGOTH GET THROUGH HER CHAOTIC BREAKUP BY HELPING HER MOVE HER PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER'S SHIPMENT INTO HER APARTMENT, DRINKING JACK DANIELS AND MCDONALDS DIET COKE ON LE STREETS OF FIDI, AND SITTING AT NOBU WHILE SHE MADE A 6 HOUR LONG INSTAGRAM STORY RIPPING HIM TO SHREDS..... i wanna note that i was the one that had to effing inform her of her very-much-less-swag-than-her-and-therefor-insecure-AF boyfriend's sketchballz behavior and that she handled it epically (throwing on a fur coat and trotting to a fancy restaurant for a celebratory dinner)

2. POST NOBU- KISS AND I TOOK SHOTS NEXT TO A GOLDEN TOILET. Oui, from NOBU TO A BASEMENT IN BUSHWICK. I was shwasted but I had a tight grip on le borrowed fur coat. Remember what I've said about fur in le summer? Well in a basement in august weather its mega chic and a fabulous excuse to avoid le pit while supporting le arts.

3. TROTTED TO PROSPECT PARK TO DRINK MOET AND SAKE WITH RAPPERZ. All for le bbq birthday de Thomas: my fast talking, quite stylish, dear old friend. Note the OffWhite dog leash. This is a major effing fashion tip. The only mf way to make that fucking belt look cool.

4. FELL OF LE MARTINI WAGON AT LE WAVERLY INN. Which is apparently a very chi-chi restaurant. I have to say- its was pretty mf chic. I wore a mega beat-chic (beatnik-chic) outfit to channel west village hipster energy. Ate a million dirty vodka martinis (bartender's words), pomme frites, scallops, bread, and tuna tar tar.

5. ACTUALLY HAD A FABULOUS TIME OUT ON LE WEST SIDE. im eating my wordz! turnz out I can have fun in le west village!!! After le Waverly we cabbed over to "the ear" which was very old school: table service, dive energy. We met some dads and they saiiid they'd read the blog! If you're reading this- merci for reading this!!!! And after Le Ear, we cabbed back to my side of town and caused a ruckus at one of le few east village bars i'm still allowed into!

6. HAD ANOTHER BEATNIK DINNER AT CAFE MOGADOR. I keep finding myself at this restaurant lately. This particular evening it was le Williamsburg location so obviously i wore my dash snow wannabe smushed hat with a feather in it. And my new age, Namaste-chic, sheer top. Afterwards we walked to a racetrack and then to le the water. Make sure to pose when you see rando furniture/ fashion items/ props in le street, its mega swag. You think your life is a movie- i think mine's an editorial. Guess which is chicer.

7. SUPPORTED LE ARTZ YET AGAIN. THIS TIME AT MOMAPS1. PS1 is like a summer effing classique in new york city. Most yearz, every few weekends hoardz of horny young peepz and art losers crowd into the massive Moma-fied schoolhouse and get utterly shwasted watching it-peepz preform. Covid killed the huge crowd and tix sold out immediately but i weaseled my way onto surf gang's list (technically i was their stylist crew member). And their set was actually amazeballz! unfortunately - moma provided free alcohol and sugar free redbullz and you guessed it, i overserved moi-self. Sorry surf!!!!!!!!!!

8. TOOK MY SHWASTED ASS TO KISS'S SHOW THAT SAME EFFING NIGHT. I. was. blacked. out. But i do remember that the set waz amazeballz. the rest is hazy.

9. ATE MORE MARTINIS AND POMME FRITTES ON THE WEST SIDE, THAN BIPPED OVA TO BROOKLYN TO BE LITTY AND PARTY ALL NIGHT.

10. COVID CABBED HOME TRUN LE EFF UP. AT 5PM LE NEXT DAY. i haven't had a propper bender in agezzzzzzzzzzzz (that lifestyle drove moi to le brink). and this wazn't a bender but i def stayed out night and had a swaggggggggggggg time.

............and then i got on le mf mega bus to vacation!

i know im going on and on and you must be thinking "when le FUCK is this blog gonna end?!"

tough news- im not done blabbing !!!!!!1 BLABLABLABLABLACHICBLABLA!!!!!!!!

Why?

Remember a few portals past when I said I had been working on some stuff? Well some of it is finally out! Oui, I present: shoot b.t.s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1:

- WENT TO NEW JERSEY FOR A SHOOT (FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME THIS SUMMER) AT A VERY SWAGGY SEX MOTEL WITH CRAZY THEMED ROOMZ. I waz just le model- Coco & Ben worked le magic.

cute oui??????????? le smell waz something else but le experience and le picz were just fabbbbbbbbbbbbbb. they're a genius duo.

- I STYLED/DID SET FOR A MISS MADELINE MUSIC VIDEO. the songs called "bad girls" and you can read about it here and watch it here. Miss M is extremely fab. Enjoy bts of moi and Perla, Kylie, and some trashion jewelry i made. I wore my Kate Moss mustache tank for good luck and I even made a lil shwasted cameo. I dont typically drink on le job but we had oodles of malibu, fourloko, and cheap vodka. so towards the v end of the day i may have had a sip.........