it-girl tactics.. blablablaaa NEW YORK CITY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonjour Blog...!!!..... im mega grumpy this morning!!!!!!!!!  I just woke up tres groggy. My life has become exhausting. I hate being booked and busy. I like lounging around smoking cigarettes and doing nothing. I am the kind of person who really does want to spend hours of the day looking in a mirror and reading tabloids.  I was born to like,  blog ... not effing hustle.. Le sigh..I'll walk you through the fun i've squeezed into my life since le last portal update ... its a story in 6 (non-chronological) parts.

1.NOT GETTING INTO THE CLUB IS CHIC.

As I mentioned last week on Le Portal: I've been mega busy working in fucking fashion...... le sigh.... At least its cliché.  This weeks job ended Friday at effing 4am. I had to drink 4 sugar free redbulls and pop a lil pill.  So I slept until 5pm on Saturday, got a skim latte, decided I wanted to party, trudged through the shwasted brunch crowds in my uggs to effing search and destroy, bought a ton of drug store makeup ( drug store makeup is glam- especially NYX which is party girl as fuck) , smoked/drank a beer in the shower, painted my toes metallic purple, blew out my hair, and gave myself mega smudge smokey shadow with purple under my eyes, cheap red lipstick, too much Margiela "Jazz Club" perfume, and hopped in a cab to le extremely chic hotel where my new friend is shacking up. I brought chicken fingers, and diet coke mixed with vodka in an eco conscious bottle, for sustenance. 

Le hotel was something between the Bowery and the Chelsea.... with a smidge of the dreadful yet vintage-chic place I stayed for a while on 19th street . My friend and his sister were in their posh little Plaza-hotel-knockoff bed in bathrobes drinking wine when I arrived. We had a fab time- smoked some cigs, had a drink, and got ready to head to a party he was hosting on the Bowery. 

Getting to a party- especially when you're hosting or with the host- always takes while. Its nearly impossible to get there before 1am. But the clubs close at 4 so if you don't have to wait in the line, its fine. TIP - if you do find yourself waiting in line, don't let the list people make you feel like shit- just chain-smoke and pout and act like you dgaf- its actually a flex and the best way to have everyone see your outfit. Anyways, we finally arrive at like 1:30 am. Kiss shows up and I'm running into all my friends at le door. TRAGEDY STRIKES. The bouncer will not accept my fake ass ID! I'm pretttty sure we've been over my identification fiasco///never ending drama (i've lost all my information/documents and my congressperson suggests I find a lawyer...) so I'm living like a 19 year old when it comes to getting into event. Bribes didn't seem to be an option... so I had to moodily walk home, my perfect buzz turning to melodramatic despair. Life on the F list, peepz. 

This morning, I've convinced moi-self .. scratch that- I've decided that not getting into the club (and getting bounced from the club for that matter) is the new fashionably late. In fact- last week at a party -  a friend of mine's roommate got bounced for effing spitting on a certain mega-famous-influencer-turned-faux-ironic it-girl . Fantastic. 

Spitting on people is not chic (most of the time). But being the friend with the craziest guest at an event can be. Its certainly a great story once you pick up the pieces of emotional fall out. Partying isn't just about the good timez. 

-Here's moi being chic at le hotel. Pre REJECTION at le club: 

2. THERE'S WIT GIRLS AND THERE'S IT GIRLS.

And we'll take a table pour deux,,,. After a long day of work and before another event-I had a chic lil dinner with my friend Montana. Montana is extremely glamourous- sort of like a gracefully aging actress from Hollywood's golden age.  We met on the first day of Parsons, saw Terry Richardson on 5th ave together, and have been getting banned from bars together ever since. Check our their amazeballz scent podcast- I was on an episode. ANYWAYZZZZzz.. We ate at Cafe Select in Soho. It was 90 degrees and humid as eff but they had ac- so we indulged: extra dirty gin martinis (3 for moi), oysters, bratwurst, shrimp something or other, octopus salad, and lots and lots of bread with butter. Delish. Unfortunately when we stepped back into the street - le giant meal didn't feel so hot. I though I was going to puke my fucking guts. To make matters worse- I was wearing cheap patent leather pumps that were killing me feet in the heat.  Nonetheless- we managed a nice stroll till we parted ways . Montana went to St Marks to meet his boyfriend- and I ran to mine in le Lower East Side. 

-Here's Montana drinking a v dirty gin martini: 

-Here's moi smoking a cigarette outside le supreme store on the Bowery:

3. S.G.B. 

Always support your friends. Everyone always thinks soundcloud rappers are going nowhere!! I've had many soundcloud rapper friends- like helllo- I was a hot mess in NYC in 2016. Most of them did go nowhere and were fucking annoying cling-ons. But Surf Gang have been on and off besties for a years now. I remember when they'd cram into my tiny apartment on Stanton Street, sit on my piles of clothes, smoke cigarettes with moi,  and bicker with each other for hourz. Now they have a major album out. Tragically, I had work the night of their show (it was on school busses at a trainyard- vv swag) but I made sure I stopped by their album release party beforehand. Give the new album a listen. ... ! le first le hipster portal album review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- Le event was a photo studio filled of smoke. I got in trouble for standing on a table.  Chicness: 

4.WEST SIDE RAGER.

You know that feeling when getting to a party feels like an escape room thats taking up the entirety of lower Manhattan? 

That was my friend Spencer's birthday party. First of all it was on the mf west side. Im sorry but what le fuck. The west side below 14th street is just not my thing. Too fancy shamcy boring andddd its off the NYC street grid system so I'm constantly lost, walking in circles. This night, it was also pouring rain..so up until the last minute- it was unclear if the event,( which was in an outdoor parking lot by the west side highway), would even happen.  Feeling hopeful, I put on my little kate moss/pete doherty inspired marching band H&M x Poshmark top, mini sparkle shorts, and my Dorothy ballet flats. It felt classy. Around 11 the rain finally stopped and Kiss and I grabbed some 40s and got on le F train. We got a little lost, stopped to pee outside like the DVF store, and walked towards the Hudson River. We couldn't find trace of a rager for what felt like ages... but then we heard .... Muzzzzic. We followed the sound to a lot of cute cars and a big dance party. Within minutes I waz dancing on a platform. Le rest is history peepz.

-moi getting effed up, dancing, having a blast with my friends and randos: 

5.UPSET AF ON AMERICAS BIRTHDAY.

ugh. I dont even care to explain what upset moi on le fourth of july. I tried to get in le spirit. Basically Kiss and I got in a fight. Blame it on the vodka lunch. I ended up running away and hopping in these random guy's car. They were awesome and gave me a lift to my second location- but dont try that one at home, its a bad habbit of mine! "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers"!  But before le drama guess it waz fun and i looked amazeballz so , enjoy: 

6. DRINKS AGAIN! MARTINIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and mda!

jE SUis tired and lazy and i really just want to show you my outfit so I'll keep this quick. At somepoint in the last two weeks I had lovely drinks with some friends at a russian vodka bar. then I took some lovely mda. then i called an uber to a punk house. The uber was an escalade and the driver and i smoked cigarettes as i chattered. mega fun. 

-here's that:

OKAY THATS EFFING IT.

NEXT BLOG - IM GOING TO TELL THE STORY OF MODEL ISLAND. 

AU REVOIR

NAMASTE

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