SKIPPED NYFW TO BE HOWARD HUGHEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

SKIPPED NYFW TO BE HOWARD HUGHEZ!!!!

ello readerz. prepare yo-selves for a mf rambling ass blog. thiz has been moi hiding in my lower east side bedroom for le past week or so: 

oui,  i finally came down from le past few monthz.... and hard. like howard hughes le last yearz of his life, hidden away, pissing in bottlez, and growing his fingernailz inchez long, hard. 

and right in time for mf fashion week! 

i basically missed le whole mf thing. le depresso episodes rlly ramped le eff up when i went an insane bender for a nymag article about moi that (many hourz after le reporter left thank efffffff) ended with moi running out of an extremely posh hotel in a hotel robe sobbing at 3pm. then i didnt leave my bed for 3 dayz. like got a uti from not peeing type sitch. 

I felt so shit, le cobra snake arrived a few dayz before fashion week started and i waz too catatonic from partying for bad press to get out of bed to hang. Like physically could not move, could barely get moiself to roll over to le other side of my body or find my vape under le coverz. Oui, for monthz i;ve been barely sleeping and a bit manic but now mega exhausting lowz were starting to wipe. a bitch. out! 

Right so eventually i did drag moiself out to meet cobra (he texted moi that he waz with my friendz and a bunch of hot supreme skaters- not my type..but motivating to a girl who hadn't spoken to anyone aside from a few grunts to her roomates for dayz) only to go manic p much 24 hourz later and repeat le spiral. so i spent most of fashion week p much hiding in my room mega effing miserable. i waz invited to decent amount of shit and a lot of showz which are my fav... but i couldn't even get moiself up before 10pm or in le shower....let alone onto le subway to a venue during le day. And everytime i made it to a party i ended up staying out for like 3 dayz and then back in bed wanting to dieee. Pair that with le cold i've had for like ova a month and cant seem to kick... i've become a ferral lil animal locked away. 

thiz sort of thing haz happened before. it meanz im cracking out a bit. i havent been taking care of moiself, have abonded my schedule, am slacking at my effing freelance career (lolz), am completely partied out, am neglecting my important relationshipz, feel unbelievably fuggly and fat, and have had a bit of a gnarly bulimic episode thatz cost moi like legit almost a thouzand buckz (which i would never even spend on anything even CLOTHEZ which is how u know itz compulsive mf behavior) annnnnnd haz cost moi like 7 legit poundz (kms), and looking like a bloated chipmunk in le face! 

so while NYFW and mf VALENTINEZ day took nyc by storm - i've been here lying in bed with greasy, matted hair in a dirty nightgown, bloodshot eyez, and a really mf raw throat.  My body is wrecked. Im sicky. I've ignored almost all my messages. I've slept through everything i waz excited to do. But when i get like this after monthz of barely sleeping, its almost a relief. I can finally rest. And i havent totally unraveled my life yet. No full blow break downz... only one bad-ish blow up. Therez just a flashing warning sign "SLOW DOWN". Or maybe now its actually "CRAWL out of bed and stop living like mf howard hughes during his las yearz.... but  PLEAZE move slow bitch"!!

i've been saying i need to slow down and dry out for months on le blog. but if i missed fashion week- obvi im taking it serious thiz time!!! For le first time thiz year i hit a wall and stopped pushing moiself to live a 20hour fabulous AF seize le mf city life lifestyle! I finally stopped going to shit. Oui, im down in le dumps but im coming out of it i think. And so now, as much as i love vodka, she and i need to be on a break, and so does le binge-purge bitch. That habits a lil harder to quit.. but not drinking so much helps as hangovers rlly bring the vom spellz on.

I'm a bit of an intense person... peepz alwayz are telling moi to find a balanced/healthy lifestyle. fuck. dat. shit. have you met moi????? I do thingz all or nothing. In le past, to pull moi-self off le hard-party-no-sleep-for-dayz to bedroom-demon-all-sleep seesaw....going on my own version of a sort of gpaltrow lifestyle switch up has worked wonderz. i do everything on one extreme or another. and i've honestly been a mess. so now i feel le switch back to le other vibe. I get a bit ocd....I go cray with le meg-style structure. 

some examplez: 

1. FOOD.  I havent bought groceries in monthzzzzz. Now i have to go back to bi-weekly trips to le shop and eating le same thing every mf day so i dont obsess over food (but also have to make sure i dont start calorie counting- le shittest temptation of having food at home  is how easy it becomes to micromanage le diet. 

2. SCHEDULE. I've been sleeping in so mf much since work slowed down and le ex moved out. Time to get back to waking up at 9am and making le bed every morning. And go back to keeping a detailed planner with a schedule and to do listz.  And making social planz ahead of time and keep them. 

3. HOTTNEZZ. I've been living to wildly to have time to shop (too busy or waking up too late). And i havent been bored enough. When i've got more daytime freetime and lezz parties to party at, I buy loadz more cheap clothez and take hourz to get ready. i made fab outfits to go nowhere. Lately i've just been throwing on le same, uninspired winter fitz and racing out le door. FUCkkk dat. 

Yez living like a cold lil organized Meg makes moi a bit obsessive.... but it makes moi much happier than le spiral i;ve been in thiz winter. 

Sometimes when i get this... intense.. i get a bit asexual. like i become so in my head. i hope that doesnt happen as i really waz enjoying le single life. i def havent slut it up at all since my last blog entries.. i'd imagine that my messiness was giving off waves of digsuto-annoying- bitch + pathetic-love-moi-plz-desperation + sad-and-gonna-light-your-apartment-on-fire energy. So it'd be nice if i could have my shit together annnnnnd have some romance. Le hottie i realllly wanna eff doesnt seem interested in moi anymore... if he ever waz. SO time to move on...thing izzzzzz.... i dont know how to meet peepz if im not being a night person. I dont do apps and loathe meeting peepz on Instagram. I alwayz meet loverzz at le bar or at le party or at someones apartment or even my own apartment! Being boy crazy doesn't really serve moi anywayz t... soooo i guess ill just focus on getting hotter, shopping with vigor again, and taking loadz of pictures of moiself. it truly is more fulfilling!!! Or at least, self obsession is a more productive distraction from lonely listlessness than a hookup!!!!  

on le work front i really have no planz.... ill prob do some tiktok bullshit for peepz. and any assisting gigz i can get thrown moi way. peepz keep trying to tell moi thiz is "my time" bc of all thiz indie sleaze press but im tired of everyone wanting a mf piece of moi. not everything cool or fashionable needs to be so effing commodified. like just be effing hip and swag! i dont need my identity and epicness reduced to weird gimmickz and annoying editorz. and honestly, i'd rather do more writing. so i've gotta look into that.... which makes moi wonder... i bet there are some hot writer typez.. ALltho.. they'd prob just use moi for material. Im my own muse and dont like to share. Unless itz for musician writerz bc thatz different and theyre sexy and dress well and itz like in le grand tradition of well dressed it-bitchez. 

And maybe i can finally do some proppa fashion writing again you peepz here on le blog! Which remindz moi... if you care, check out my OFFICE MAGAZINE PODCAST EPPY: "downtown coachella". I interview crazed new yorkers and get some mega soundbitez. mega s/o to my producer Saam and editor Neel. 

Okay enough blabbing. Let moi give you all a glimpse of my life aka LE SADDEST FW EVER//// MINOR BREAKDOWN: 

1. LE ONLY SHOW I MADE IT TO (OUT OF MF 10 INVITEZ I SCORED ALL ON MY OWN). Le sigh. fyi its Ramona's show at le Retail Pharmacy pop up. 

2. FAILED ATTEMPT AT SHOPPING AVEC COBRA AND LE BFF.

3. FINALLY MADE IT TO A PARTY. Le Office Mag party. Twaz fun. LA peepz on le deckz djing which i personally luuuuuuuv to see at nyfw. im serious. And Pippi dropped her cellphone into le toilet and it still worked! 

4.WE FOUND A LIMO AND HIRED IT TO TAKE UZ TO PARTY DEUX. aka le retail pharmacy after party.  a bunch of french silicone valley guyz rode with uz. no clue who they were but they invented some app and got rich. There were loadzzzzzz of nft and tech peepz in le city for fw for whateva reason. At le club, thingz got real messy for moi. a bit out of control. had a molly blackout. 

5. POST MOLLY BLACKOUT,HOURZ LATER ... CLEARLY I WAZ A MEZZ. Not sure when thiz waz taken. I know after le molly, me and le girlfriendz slumber carried in my bedroom and then got brunch at cafe mogador like proppa beatniks. then we day drank bloody marys in dimez square.. cuz if i have to be in public on a bender at least i cant be embarrassed there. plus i needed to pickup a copy of le drunken canal- in which i waz featured as an eligible bachelorette of downtown nyc. kinda bleak if im le cream of le downtown crop. 

6. SOME FRIENDZ PICKED UZ BACK UP FROM MINE AFTER BEING KICKED OUT OF A DIFFERENT FRIENDZ APARTMENT. Then we went back to le retail pharmacy club in lil italy from le night prior to search for my friend'z lost cellphone around 9pm. She found it in some club couch cushionz! score!! I bar hopped a bit more downtown after dat, met even more silicone valley dudez (at least theyy all think we r mega hot and crazy as apposed to le typical cool jaded downtown guyz..and they LIKE to share their drugz) then i crashed af at home. 

7. AFTER ANOTHER FEW DAYZ IN BED... MET LE GIRLFRIENDZ AT A HOTEL PENTHOUSE PARTY FOR A FASHION BRAND. BUT I WAZ TOO LATE AND COULDNT GET IN! But silver lining - lines are actually mega fun during fashion week and i met a really nice hottie. Unfortunately i forgot to get his name or number but if LE GUY FROM LE STANDARD SEE'S THIZ, PLZ DM MOI.  Anywayz we went to our fave dive that keepz banning uz then letting uz back in. 

8. THEN WE STRUTTED FROM EAST VILLAGE TO LE LOWER EAST SIDE FOR A PARTY THAT WAZ SUPPOSEDLY HBA BUT OBVI SOMEONE LIED BC LE DJ WAZ PLAYING MF ABBA. cute crowd tho. 

9. WHAT FOLLOWZ IS A HAZE BUT I GUESS I ENDED UP AT YET ANOTHER DOWNTOWN BAR AND STAYED UP FOR HOURZ AND HOURZ AND OBVI FOUND MY FRIENDZ THAT WERE DOING LE SAME.

I stayed out for like 55 hourz thiz time. I hit many apartmentz, le outside of a willyb super bowl party, a metal show at an art gallery (that i also never went inside of- just did mystery drugz with le bouncerz), and le same bar i started le whole bender in. Since then I havent left bed. Its been like 4 dayz i think? 

I hope thiz entry waznt to scattered and bleak. I didnt have le creative energy or brain power for vibey writing. Typos are chic so lets just live with it. As shit as i feel, as much as i look like a gremlin right now, and as mentally ill as my room's state exposes moi to be (trash, fur coatz, crumbz, and bottlez mf everywhere), I dont feel quite so glued to le bed and am finally going to brush my hair out today!! And even better, for le first time in monthzz i dont have a raging impulse to go do something crazy and energy consuming le minute i feel okay!! So wish moi luck on my faux-briety and finishing le winter out stronger and hottter. My deli guy even gave moi a free juice last night after taking a look at all le diet coke and junk food i'd plopped on le counter. He can sense that im beginning a pseudo health kick!! Hopefully come spring I'll look chic again, have a style makeover, and be ready to regularly party hard again!

Merci as alwayzzz for reading !!!!!!!!! 

xoxoxoxo

au revoir 

namaste